Saturday, February 26, 2005

time for a makeover!!!

instructions on how to force someone to have a haircut:

1) Buy juicy fruit (or any chewing gum for that matter)
2) Chew the gum like hell (make sure to suck out all the flavor to get your money's worth)
3) Spit the gum onto the hair of the preselected person for the makeover (make sure that you position the gum at the area you want the most trimming to happen, if you want to leave just 1 inch of hair, position the gum an inch after the root of the hair)
4) Press the gum onto the hair firmly (you can accomplish this without being held responsible for it by simply telling that person that he/she has a piece of gum stuck on her hair and pretend to remove it but you're really rubbing it in)
5) Watch the futile attempts of that person to remove the gum (he/she might be cursing at this point so be sure to stay away when the cursing begins)
6) See the new haircut minutes after (make it a point to give a compliment on the new "do")
**for more hair cutting action, you can also apply multiple pieces of gum on several areas of the head to manipulate the way the hair will be cut.

to my cousin, mark.. we were still kids when i did this to you but its so funny i had to teach others how to do it. IT WAS ME!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! it was so much fun watching your mom cut your hair.. GOTCHA!! HEEHEEHEE!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

sad times...

Though you'll hardly ever see me shocked, this week might be one of the most shocking times in my life. A very close friend of mine (Capt. Nestor Mayo) died in a plane crash while with a student on a routine flying class... it was even his day-off on that day and he was just doing the school a favor. The plane crashed in Calapan, Mindoro..the island of Puerto Galera. When i went to his wake, i saw him lying there motionless with my own eyes but still my mind didn't want to believe it. Seeing his body inside that coffin brought back memories when we were still young when he would pass by the house and we'd smoke pot (not anymore) the whole day and order a box of domino's pizza and laugh our hearts out all stoned and stuff while waiting for his sister to finish her voice lessons. He was one of the notorious pranksters also, since he's built like a bouncer, he knows nobody would retaliate with the pranks he's done. He'd pick on the teachers, students and the security guards. Back in high school, he was already built like a bouncer. I often thought he was so tough. When i heard that he died, i remembered the death of Achilles and i was wondering what his thoughts were during the final moments of his life. On my way home, i was thinking how frail and fragile life is. This friend of mine was built like a tank and brave as a tiger (his sister told us that he flew a cesna plane at an altitude where commercial planes usually stay)and yet, he was no match for the forces beyond man's control. Like we are all just plants waiting to be plucked from the earth. He's quite lucky though that his worries are over. His life was one of the lives i've admired. He has achieved so much (A Captain at the age of 24) in so little time when all we worried about when we where young was how to have fun. This just goes to show that there could be so many things that might happen in our lifetime that we never even thought about. To my dear friend Captain Nestor Mayo, how i wish all of this was just a big prank you conjured up in your mind, i wonder if people would react the same way if i was in your place...
In his quest to reach the sky, God has reached out to him. I'm very sure he's up there. Laughter is one of the most memoarble things you can share that can last even after a lifetime and as his friend, we've shared a lot of those. Rest in peace brother..

Saturday, February 19, 2005

BACKFIRE!!!!

There was this one time when i was just a very young prankster (about 1st grade) ..all my cousins were at our house. All of them were older than me so when they played kiddie games like hide and seek they wont let me play with them. They decided to play this filipino kiddie game and agreed to play the game inside the den of our house and lock themselves in. I was so furious that they left me, didn't let me play with them (because i was too young maybe?). I looked for a box of thumbtacks (the den was carpeted so you have to take off your foot wear.. duh!!) and placed each on the floor just after the doorway with the spikes pointing upward so that when they finished playing and ran out of the room one of them will have a foot full of tacks piercing the skin of his-her foot... harharhar!!! Ironically, after setting up the trap i was sulking all by myself trying to find something amusing to play with when i heard my brother's voice calling me to join them.. joy oh joy!! i was so glad they let me play with them that i forgot about my trap... i stepped on every last one of those tacks and ended up not being able to play with them after all beacuse i was pulling the tacks off my feet one by one. all my cousins were asking each other "sino ba naghulog ng thumbtacks dun?" (who left those tacks there anyways?) and i was telling them " oo nga, sino ba naglagay nung mga yun dun?" (good question, who left those tacks there?) i'll never forget that day.. one of the funniest things i've done to myself... so pranksters beware.. be mindful of your traps.. you might be your next victim..

Thursday, February 10, 2005

An inter-office forwarded e-mail...

this is so wierd.. been thinking about the same thing myself...

"ISN'T ENGLISH A FUNNY LANGUAGE ?

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
.English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be the same, while ' wise man and a wise guy' are opposites?

Now i know why i failed in english.
It's not my fault but the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going."

--quite true isn't it? did you know that tasty meatloaf "SPAM" was derived from "Spiced Ham"... therefore "SPAM"? Hamburger was a patented formula for the patie made in Hamburg, Germany and was brought to the US the same way that "CHOPSUEY" originated in california by a chinese chef? did you also know that there are no "female sushi makers" and "112" can be dialled on the keypad of your mobile phone even if the keypad is locked (because it's the international emergency number for mobile phones)? just a little trivia...

fast objects... DEADLY...

On my way to work today, i passed by a bowled-over motorcycle and even saw the rider getting up from the mishap. Then i remembered the same thing almost happened to me one day while i was cruising on my bike along EDSA (a highway in the Philippines). Here's how it happened: i was riding my bike at around 90km/h switching lanes and everything, there was this one lane along EDSA where there was a huge crack in between the pavements and the rear tire of my bike slipped between the crack (the size of a human leg). The rear portion of the bike fish-tailed all over the place and both my feet were dislodged from the footpegs and wobbled left and right apart from each other, almost causing me to lose control of the bike.. it's a good thing i regained control of the bike with a simple twist of the wrist to open up the throttle and the bike balanced itself. After that i couldn't help but be amazed that i got out of it without a scratch.. i pulled over to get gas and breathe deeply with a sigh of relief.. i can't stop laughing at myself inside my helmet and couldn't take it off 'coz i'd look even more stupid luaghing all by myself sitting on my bike while waiting for the gas pump to finish its job.. to all of you out there who were lucky enough and took a photo of it, can you email it to me at raymond1018@hotmail.com because i wanna see what i looked like with my feet flying all over the place while trying to regain control of the bike... it must've been a very funny sight!! Everytime i recall that day i'm laughing inside my head... oh what a jolly good sight!!!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

some people cant take a joke...

i was thinking of new pranks to play on my friends..suddenly i remembered this one prank i pulled when i was in highschool..it was the time when those big varsity type bags were still "in". it was dismissal already in school and the "varsity bags" were all lined up near the corridor and this friend of mine left his sitting there waiting for .. as usual, temptation crept in.. i got a whole "hollow block" (the ones they use for construction) and put it inside his bag.. hahahahaha!!! when he tried to lift his bag to go the schoolbus he was so surprised with the amount of weight his bag carried.. he opened his bag and saw the block!!! he was raving like a lunatic and he threw the block like the way a javelin would be thrown and he was shouting "sino ang naglagay ng hollow block sa bag ko?!?!?" (who put this hollow block in my bag?!?!?) while me and my friends were sitting there on the side, we could'nt stop giggling (but nobody snitched that i did it)... oh well, some people can't take a joke you know.. the hollow block was clean although some of the crumbs of cement broke off from the whole block. that scene looked very much like incredible hulk trying to clean his bag.. hahahaha!! so funny!!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

konting jokes lang...

Moron jokes

Why do morons like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.


Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

How did the moron try to kill a fish?
He tried to drown it in the sea.

What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him .


lunch break!!!

lunch break!!! time for another practical joke!! cant think of anything right now but i just wanna tell the world about this practical joke i found on the internet.the other day i played it on my co-worker..i switched his "n" and "m" keys on his keyboard.. as he was entering his password he was scratching his head because he cant log onto his PC.. didn't even know he was gonna use the "n" key that early or the joke would be effective that soon..hahahahaha!! what a weenie! you gotta visit ebaumsworld for more practical jokes!!! heeheehee!! i'm not a meanie though.. just for a couple of laughs..all work and no play makes raymond a dull boy. LET'S SPREAD THE LOVE AND LAUGHTER AROUND!!! ONE PRACTICAL JOKE AT A TIME!!! HARHARHAR!!

things that make you go hmmm...

isn't it amazing what the mind can do? and isn't the body very fascinating?recently, a friend of mine came back from the states and as usual..night outs and drinking sprees are all over the town. well, lucky for my friend she's on vacation.. me? had to go to work (sometimes straight from a drinking spree) still feeling the buzz from all the alcohol i've sucked dry through that brilliant ring topping every bottle of beer.what's amazing about it is that i can still get through the day and go on another drinking spree again after work and do the same thing over and over until my friend left for the states.one time i got home and the sun was already out without even noticing the time.what i'm trying to say is the body is very obedient to the mind (for me) and that's whats been going through my mind the whole time that friend of mine was here. oh did i mention that i'm in love with her? that's it!! i'm in love.. whoohoo! does this mean that although the mind is very powerful compared to the body, all it needs is just a whisper from the heart and boom!! you're doing what your heart wants already? well, for me it was all worth it.. what's the use of denying your heart what it wants coz if you do,the body will team up with the heart in some form of rebellion, starve itself and the mind will be filled with "what might have been"s and "i could've"s, and at the end of the day you're just lying there and your mind doing most of the work.. still confused, unsatisfied and maybe angry at yourself for not doing what you could have done.its not hedonism though, people know what's "fun" and what's "hedonistic". well, that's what i think...